my sweet Kayla

The other night Phil was here. Kayla likes Phil so she stayed out of her room and was in the living room with us. She was bubbling with her energy, her ideas, her passion, with what she does know of, but has known it less time than older adults. Phil was reading, Excuses Be Gone! and I was trying to read, Pedagogy of the Oppressed. She asked Phil what he was reading, he told her the title and she asked, "Excuses, comma, Be Gone, exclamation point?". Phil told her, "No. Excuses, no comma, Be Gone, yes, exclamation point.". I do not know if the beauty of that exchange can come across in this typed word. To fully come across, I would have to be able to import into this type the essence that is Kayla and the essence that it Phil and that is something I cannot simply do.

Regardless, with their tone of voices and facial expressions and that we have known Phil for at least four years through all kinds of times in our lives and his life, it was beautiful! It was the rare and special beauty I choose to value over many other types of beauty. It is the type of beauty I was probably less inclined to see when I had less responsibility on my own shoulders and when I was better able to keep up with the world. I sometimes yet struggle with seeing my life through a lens of loss. I also see it often through a lens of gain. I wonder if one lens will gradually give way to the other lens in entirety or if it will remain an exchange.

Maybe more thought on this later. Right now, I really should see what Benny is up to, to shower and dress and to take Benny along grocery shopping with me. I am going to try to buy food to support a healthier diet. That is tough and takes time .... to shop for foods different than one has spent many years buying, to cook differently and to convert children :)