back home

My sweet son, running a fever since yesterday, went upstairs while I was typing the last entry. Going and spending time upstairs is newer for him to do. It was quiet so I was curious to see what he was up to, thinking there would be a small mess, at least. This is the sweet guy that used to go in the spice cabinet, open and dump spices, empty the flour, or play with liquid soap in the dispenser in the bathroom as well as unrolling the toilet paper. Yes, young children do such interesting things. Autism creates such things happening when a child would have otherwise grown out of it. Well, it seems Ben outgrows things too at his own time. We no longer hide the soap and toilet paper in the closet and have to remember to tell guests about such placement as they enter the bathroom and before they sit on the toilet:) Well, today, there was no new kind of mess. (Earlier this month he did play with shampoo while he was upstairs, but he did it all in the sink - smart boy). He was soundly asleep, sitting up, on the loveseat in my room with his coat and hat on. I left Eliza in charge and I went grocery shopping alone. That was treat #1. Treat #2 was Phil inviting me to his 50th birthday party. Treat #3 was Joel saying he bet my Christmas cactus picture is great. It ain't horrible, but there is room to learn and grow. He must have some psych ed, too.

Well,  it all adds up to feeling good inside. How long I have lived and plugged forward in my married years, in the married and living in CT years, through Ben's (ex) deployments, one to Iraq, in the time of Benny's being diagnosed as on the spectrum, the early painful and learning years of all of that, through divorce, building a foundation for myself and my kids post divorce. I have tears of gratitude - they begin in my heart that feels as though it had been empty of joy and love for long and it is beginning to fill so much that it overflows to my tear ducts and out onto my cheeks.

Pinch me!

God, please keep sending the love and joy. Amen!