a yarn begins.....

I have some time without my son .... about one hour left. I am seldom alone. I sometimes email friends that live away when I am feeling an experience. I have been told to write a book. I do not know how to write a book . I know how to type when I feel and have a line of thought to develop at the keyboard. I had to get the help of my 16 year old to make this blog page what it is so far. I do not understand computers and the internet as the young do. She is mortified that I am going to blog. I want to connect, to be known. I wonder how much that is happening considering I am home with my children, running my children to their places, running the errands involved in caring for a family and home and being a nurse - there, attending to children. I feel mostly like I am the woman that takes care of many other people. Inside of me, there is a woman that is her own woman, person. I am not sure who she is and I do want to know. I realize I did not really know her while I was growing up, going to college, getting married afterward, having babies, working and being married for 19 years in a hard and lonely marriage. Building a life after divorce is a challenge and it is all happening the same time my children are growing and expanding their own horizons. My son adds much complexity to it all. He has brought me into a world I knew so little about before him - the world of disabilities. With him I have become a stronger voice while learning about autism, how the autism impacts him, his learning, how to navigate the special education system, health care delivery that accomodates and respects his needs. So, 45, in perimenopause, having had one romatic relationship since my divorce that ended and doing this on my own............It is not for cowards! I knit to keep my sane and quiet my fears for a time when I can.